i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
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sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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