I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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