A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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