You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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