he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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