My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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