You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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