I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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