Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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