I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
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fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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