I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize