I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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