How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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