I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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