watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize