Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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