i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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