I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
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You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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