You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize