why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
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What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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