hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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