I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize