I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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