Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I understand Curling. That high.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
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Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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