does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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