I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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