I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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