I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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