dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
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Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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