In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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