M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize