omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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