I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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