i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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