i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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