I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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