There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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