chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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