I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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