I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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