she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize