So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
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i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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