Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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