On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize