At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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