hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize