I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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