So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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