You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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