Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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